How You're Known: A Real Girl's Guide to Confidence

A practical, personal journey to becoming the woman you admire.

My dad is the king of sayings and always has a metaphor for every situation life throws our way. One of his favorites is: "It matters what you know and who you know, but it matters most how you’re known." The way you present yourself to the world can shape the opportunities you receive, the friendships you form, and the overall direction of your life. The ability to show up with confidence is essential—but truly feeling confident can often feel out of reach.

There’s a common misconception that some people are just born confident while others aren’t. In reality, confidence is a learned skill—a muscle that strengthens with use.

I’ve always considered myself a confident person. As a young girl, I had no fear of performing or speaking. My mom still jokes that I came out of the womb speaking in full sentences. I can’t say for certain whether it was nature or nurture, but I do believe confidence stems from many interconnected parts of life. My parents consistently encouraged me to pursue my interests, whether it was sports, academics, fashion design, or acting. Their biggest lesson? You don’t need to be perfect—you just need to try your best. When you commit fully, prepare thoroughly, and give your all, you can rest easy knowing you did your best, regardless of the outcome. It sounds simple, but many of us forget this truth as we enter adulthood and face the chaos of everyday life.

Could building confidence really be as simple as doing your best and accepting the outcome? Speaking from experience: yes. There’s a transformative, ego-boosting energy that comes from setting a goal and accomplishing it. Think back to the last time you achieved something meaningful—maybe you ran a 5K, learned a new skill, or finally finished a book. That sense of pride? That’s confidence.

Let’s look at it another way. Imagine you have to take an exam on a subject you know nothing about. If you do zero prep, would you feel confident walking in? Absolutely not. You’d probably be overwhelmed, anxious, and unprepared—and likely fail the test. That same logic applies to real life. How can you expect to feel confident if you’re not doing the things that support that feeling?

Confidence, like test-taking, is about preparation. Study the material, understand your strengths, and walk in knowing you’ve done the work. Even if you don’t have every answer, you’ve set yourself up for success. Preparation creates calm. Instead of panicking, you’re sipping your morning coffee and picking out your outfit like a boss. That’s the power of action.

Yes, some people may have naturally confident personalities—but for the rest of us who are painfully self-aware, creating habits that help us feel good is key. You know the feeling: a fresh manicure, styled hair, maybe even a spray tan, and suddenly you’re on top of the world. Feeling yourself. That’s not vanity—that’s cause and effect. You did things that made you feel good, and the result is visible. You smile more, your mood lifts, and you’re more likely to say yes to that date or a night out with friends.

My biggest advice for women struggling with self-worth or confidence is simple: take action.

Perhaps you feel others have more reason to be confident—maybe they’re naturally beautiful or effortlessly intelligent. It’s easy to envy what others seem to have, but that envy distorts reality. Confidence isn’t something you’re handed—it’s something you choose to cultivate. Those you admire likely lean into what makes them feel good about themselves. That’s a choice.

The first step in unlocking your confidence is identifying what makes you feel good. If you’re starting from scratch, pour yourself a glass of wine and get reflective with me.

No matter what anyone—including your inner critic—may say, you deserve to feel in control of your body, mind, and emotions. Investing in yourself physically, mentally, or intellectually not only improves your external life, but also strengthens your internal perception—your “how you’re known.”

Ask yourself: How do I feel about myself? What are my best qualities? If you don’t believe you’re beautiful, worthy, sexy, or vibrant, you’re likely not showing up that way in the world either.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. You can’t stare in the mirror long enough to start believing you’re beautiful. That belief comes from action.

That’s not to say you need a total transformation. But small changes—add up. Regular maintenance or little tweaks that make you feel better about yourself? Absolutely worth it.

Let’s be clear—caring for your physical appearance isn’t vain. Vanity is about wanting others to see you as attractive. Taking care of yourself is about feeling good in your own skin. Some people who seem confident may actually lack emotional intelligence or self-awareness. True confidence is rooted in self-respect, not performance.

Even the smallest efforts, like keeping your brows groomed or staying on top of your skincare, might not be noticeable to others—but you’ll notice. And that helps silence the voice that says you can’t or shouldn’t feel confident.

As the scales tip in your favor and the reasons not to like yourself fade, you’ll start to feel the difference.

You might be wondering, "This all sounds great, but where do I begin?"

Good news: I’ve created a 6-month guide to help you unlock the most confident version of yourself. Let’s get started.

Week 1–4: Health – Nourish to Flourish

Focus: What you put in your body and how you move it.

• Reduce caffeine & hydrate properly

• Eliminate or reduce processed foods

• Establish consistent meal planning/prepping

• Start a realistic fitness routine (walking, Pilates, strength training)

• Prioritize sleep hygiene (bedtime routine, reduced screen time before bed)

• Track physical energy & mood changes as feedback

  
  

Week 5–8: Wellness – Inner Clarity & Emotional Stability

Focus: How you feel inside, emotionally and mentally.

• Journal daily: gratitude, wins, and goals

• Practice mindfulness or meditation (start with 5 minutes daily)

• Set boundaries: identify what drains vs energizes you

• Reconnect with your core values & self-image

• Replace negative self-talk with compassionate language

• Prioritize meaningful social connections

  
  

Week 9–12: Media – Conscious Consumption

Focus: What you absorb from your digital and social world.

• Audit social media: unfollow accounts whose content you don’t care to consume

• Curate your feed with inspiration, learning, and joy

• Set screen time limits or social media “fasts”

• Choose one podcast, book, or documentary each week that aligns with growth

• Track your screen time and how it correlates with your mood

• Limit news and online rabbit holes—choose intentional information

Week 13–16: Environment – External Order, Internal Peace

Focus: Where you live, work, and exist.

• Declutter one space per week (closet, bathroom, desk, car)

• Create a “confidence corner” or vanity where you get ready

• Add beauty to your space (fresh flowers, candles, art you love)

• Make a playlist that uplifts you while you get ready

• Implement weekly reset rituals (Sunday cleaning, fresh sheets, planning)

• Set up systems that make you feel like the CEO of your space

Week 17–20: Self-Belief – Proving It to Yourself

Focus: Building trust through small, consistent goals.

• Choose one small goal each week to complete (e.g., wake up by 7am, walk 3x/week)

• Break bigger goals into tiny, winnable tasks

• Track your progress (checklist, calendar, app)

• Celebrate completion—acknowledge wins, however small

• Reflect weekly: What worked? What felt good? What needs adjusting?

• Focus on consistency over perfection—proving to yourself you can follow through

Week 21–24: Resilience – Letting Go of the Outcome

Focus: Trying new things and detaching from external validation.

• Try one new experience each week (class, activity, hobby) without judgment

• Focus on the process, not perfection or outcome

• Learn to identify what you can vs can’t control

• Journal about how you felt during and after each experience

• Practice self-compassion when things don’t go perfectly

• Build mental flexibility: allow room for failure, humor, and curiosity

Week 25–28: Connection – Confidence Through Contribution

Focus: Turning your attention outward and building a heart-led confidence.

• Volunteer in your local community or for a cause you care about

• Do small, kind things for people in your life (unexpected notes, coffee runs, thoughtful messages)

• Practice active listening in conversations—be fully present

• Start a gratitude practice that includes appreciating others

• Reflect weekly on how acts of service made you feel

• Look for opportunities to uplift, support, or mentor someone else

You’ve just completed a 6-month journey designed not just to build confidence, but to reconnect you with the most powerful version of yourself. That’s no small feat. As you move forward, remember: the more you nurture your inner world, the more radiant your outer world becomes. And when you feel whole, you naturally give more to the people and places around you. That’s where confidence transforms into quiet power.

Confidence is not a finish line—it’s a lifestyle. It’s the result of repeatedly choosing yourself, even in small ways. It’s built every time you move your body, honor your boundaries, speak kindly to yourself, or try something new. Over time, those choices compound, and suddenly, the version of you you once dreamed about becomes your reality. When you show up for your own needs—physically, mentally, emotionally—you create a foundation of self-trust. That foundation empowers you to not only move through life with greater ease but also extend that care to others.

You don’t have to feel confident to take action. You just have to take action to feel confident.

There will still be days when doubt creeps in or life throws chaos your way. That’s okay. You’re not starting from zero anymore—you have tools, habits, and proof that you can rise to the occasion. Every challenge is now an opportunity to show yourself what you’re made of.

So keep showing up. Keep investing in your health, your mindset, your space, and your self-worth. Keep choosing practices that feel good, that honor your needs, and that align with the woman you’re becoming.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present, prepared, and proud of how you’re known.

You’ve got this—and the world is lucky to know you.